My name is David Toole, I live and was born in Leeds, I have been a dancer and recently an actor, for ten years now.
I got the performing bug at school with the usual thing of school plays. Actually my first career choice was to be a vet but that too seemed a little un-realistic! - Wanting to be a performer my careers officer said 'you should go to college. At least that keeps you in the system for two more years'.
The idea to perform was in my head but the opportunity was not available - as this was over twenty years ago, it was considerably harder to break into performing than it is now and it was just something that disabled people did not do. Why? I guess things were very different then and disabled peoples' options were pretty limited and certainly a career in performing was not seen as viable. Unfortunately there were no real role models to choose from, something that has not changed greatly in the passing years, also, within my environment there was no knowledge of how to proceed.
From college I spent several months at Leeds University in the Mechanical Engineering Department operating the computer-operated milling machines making silly things out of wax. This was a six-month course and very nearly at the end of the course an opportunity came up at Post Office - I thought, 'well a steady job for life', and as I had no other options at the time I had the plan to go there until something better turned up.
There is not much to tell about the nine years I was at the Post Office. I felt I had to do my job as well or even better than my workmates to prove that disabled people could do what they had been hired for. Which I guess is the case in all areas of life. I managed to get very good at my job which caused a little resentment from colleagues - I guess you can't win either way. Eight years of unrequited love and a mind numbing job what more can you ask? I kept sane in the last few years doing silly stunts for charity - something to focus on for a few months so it wasn't just going to work. Oh, and of course a complete lack of a social life.
I was visiting my old school and someone gave me a leaflet about CandoCo Dance Company, and said, 'you might enjoy this, you're a bit of a show off'. It was a weekend workshop I only did the second day - such are the joys of being a postman. Actually I had to be persuaded by a friend to go as I nearly bottled out.
Although I had a burning ambition to perform and this was a chance maybe to do it. I spent the early part of the workshop trying not to get involved but soon got into things and found that I really enjoyed it. I had a typical 'northern bloke' attitude to dance and although I would have done anything to be a performer, I must confess that dance had not been my first choice as an art form. I think really I wanted to be an actor but did not have the confidence in myself to do this - dance gave me the confidence to pursue this idea.
This was followed-up by a week-long residency in Leeds with a performance at end of it, repeated at Ballroom Blitz 1992. Two weeks later I was asked to join CandoCo and as I needed something else to do whilst not working with CandoCo, I was offered a place at the Laban Centre. Going to Laban I was out of a safe environment - a job in the post office and regular money. My family were split about my decision but it was something I needed to do.
So I moved to London. Finding somewhere to live was drama in itself - the usual thing regarding accessibility and people over the phone saying yes all was fine, only to find it was not when you arrived. On one occasion I drove from the North of London to the South to view a place, a journey of about 90 minutes. When I had finally found the place I found to get to the front door there were five steps leading down to a basement. In my disgust I did not even bother to call them back to say I was not going.
What did I learn at the Laban Centre? I must confess to not learning much regarding dance technique. The technique I was taught did not work for my physicality - this was frustrating both for me and the tutors - they did not know how to deal with me and I did not know enough about my own body to tell them what I needed - often the argument used against teaching disabled people with no real attempt to make changes. I now think I learnt more on the job, whilst touring and working with other dancers and choreographers. The physical contact of daily technique threw me, I learned what rehearsal technique was - how you can always improve - until then I had just more or less gone on 'tricks' that I had developed from youth - the one handed hand stand came from reaching up to switch on lights when I was a child.
Midway through the course I was offered a position with CandoCo and this finally made my mind up about not going back to the Post Office.
When I joined Candoco we were originally performing work developed further from Ballroom Blitz and although the performance was well received I could not help feel a little of the sympathy vote syndrome - something you could see in the faces of some of the audience. In the first year the whole thing was a bit of a blur, from doing odd shows we were suddenly doing small scale national tours and within a year we were touring in Europe. I am proud of that work. It was not 'nicey' disabled dancing, it was hard edged and wasn't what you expected from a disabled dance group. There was the involvement of sex within the piece that evoked responses such as, 'do you think it's fair for disabled people to do that on stage if they don't get the opportunity in real life?'
We toured for most of that time, going to places I had never dreamed I'd go to - initially Europe and then further afield including America, Australia and the Far East, with Australia being my favourite. It also introduced me to new friends all over the world who I am still in contact with after ten years. I learned different approaches to dance - sometimes pushed - sometimes not, working with choreographers who would not accept the first thing that you did.
I left the company in 1999 and was offered a chance to work with DV8 the following year - something I had wanted to do since getting involved in dance but was very afraid about the idea - I now felt this would be my last chance so I said yes. We took the DV8 work to Sydney for three months, it was the hardest project I had worked on - working most of year on the same project, travelling to Hong Kong and performing in London at QEH.
An enforced long lay off, due to a serious illness caused me to take stock, up until then I had found it very hard to refuse work when offered, sometimes to the detriment of my health. Now I had time to think about the things that were important.
My first work when I had recovered was a teaching project in Ireland. It was hard but I still felt that I needed to push myself and also the people who were involved in the project. I think most disabled people like to be challenged in someway given the opportunity, it is only society that says that maybe they should not.
I have been very lucky in the fact that I have had not had many negative responses to my disability, or I have chosen to ignore them if they appeared.
I don't doubt that in the early days of CandoCo people were slightly shocked and sympathetic towards us. We had to work extremely hard to prove that we took our work seriously until eventually audiences began to appreciate that fact. One thing that strikes me is the fact that if you tell someone you are dancer they give you a look that says "I don't think so", so you have to explain how. However, if you say to people that you are an actor they somehow find that far easier to accept. I suppose this is because most people's concept of dance is ballet or some other high art form. Working in dance has opened a whole new world to me and also made me more open-minded. I have watched people, both disabled and non-disabled change their attitudes during workshops that has been a pleasure to experience. It has been a somewhat humbling experience when people tell you that you have actually changed their life in some way - something that never occurred to me and can freak you out a little knowing you have that kind of responsibility. Because I have the attitude that if I am to do something it should be done to the very best of my ability I have tried to pass this on to the people I have had in workshops. It is not enough just to have a chance to perform just because you have a disability, but you have to have integrity in the work you are doing.
I will always be grateful to dance for the opportunities it has given me as it gave me a foot in the door of performing if you will excuse the pun.
David Toole, independent dancer and actor. Email: dvt764@aol.com